Burning soul….

The day was almost here. I’d been waiting for this for what felt like eternity, but in reality was a couple of weeks… well, twelve days, fourteen hours and seven minutes, but who’s counting? You hurt me, badly, deeply, tore my heart out and stamped on it as though the gift of my love to you was nothing, meant nothing, but it is my turn now and for every second of pain you have given me you will suffer for a lifetime. Your suffering stretches out before you like the long, stony road of the repentant sinner, the irony not lost on me as I quietly wait, my mind still for the first time since the discovery, calm, deeply, chillingly calm, something I don’t recall experiencing before as I wait, my patience inexhaustable. Those words you once said to me, “You’re worth it…”, those will haunt you, as, my dear, you really are worth it. Worth all the planning, all the pain, all the scheming, all the bile and hatred and venom and evil that it is in my power to summon. You are worth burning a hole in my soul, my essence, my core for what you have done to me, to me and so many others before. You hurt me, us, and you are going to pay…

I loved you, more than I should, I know that. I was foolish, but you said that it was my foolishness that made me beautiful to you, my naivety, my innocence, but that was what you took, what you stole from me. You still have no idea what you have done, how much damage you have caused, because you never look beyond yourself, beyond the facile, transitory quest for your own pleasure. You still have no idea what’s coming, and that thought makes me smile, a parody of a real smile perhaps, but it’s the best I can do, and you always said you only wanted me to do my best. So that’s what I did. I opened my heart to you and loved you will all that I am and all that I had, thinking that it meant as much to you as it did to me, that those words were more than a collection of sounds, that they had value. Yes, I was foolish, but not any more. I learn fast, and you’ll see just how much I have learned about you, how much of what you hid from me I have managed to find, and you will pay, more than you can possibly imagine. It is my turn now, and I’ve learned from the best exactly how to wound, how to hurt, how to twist and manipulate, I’ve learned from the best and now the student will outshine the Master.

My burning soul will reduce you to ashes….


About Autistic writing

Im 46, autistic and vocal about it, a specialist autism mentor in higher education, embarking on my MEd in adult autism, autistic advocate and campaigner, writer and co-founder of asP - the autism strategy partnership #differentnotdamaged #askaboutasP

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