Building a connection…

Standing motionless, eyes closed, breathing slowly, allowing the stress and worries to sink through my body into the damp ground under my feet. The rain pattering gently on the roof of the old riding school a steady drumbeat to which I respond, swaying slightly, my hands hanging loose by my side. A voice beside me brings me back into the present, slowly opening my eyes, my mind clear, focused. Across the school, thirty metres away stands the big, chestnut gelding, the horse I have been watching for the last three months. His head is down, sniffing the cool arena surface, his ears relaxed. I watch him for a moment longer, smiling softly as I take another deep breath, becoming hyper aware of Blaze, the rest of the school melting into a dim background. I study him, the way he stands, the set of his muscles, his ears, constantly mobile, scanning. I take my first step towards him, another, another, his head lifts slightly, right ear turning towards me, his eye monitoring my movement. I pause, feeling the energy flowing between us, sensing that he is wary, unsure.I soften my body, relaxing and opening myself to connect with him more strongly, smiling as he half turns, head lowering again, a first tentative step towards me. He pauses, I move one step, another, another, slowly closing the gap between us, constantly watching him, reading his body language, his non-verbal communication with me, as though we are the only two beings in the World, the focus intense. He moves again, turning further, watching me for signs of my intent, my reason for approaching him. I pause, allowing him scope to gather the information he needs from me, letting him settle again, showing him through my posture, my eye contact, my stillness that I am no threat to him.

He relaxes again, taking the first steps towards me, head still low, watching, head moving from side to side as he slowly edges nearer. I wait, time stretching, dilating as the urge to go to him grows more powerful, but I hold myself still, waiting, patient, allowing him to set the pace, the scope on the interaction, allowing him to tell me what he wants from me as I am telling him what I want from him. He steps again, nickering softly, the first sounds between us apart from the soft rain on the roof. My heartbeat slows again as I breath deeply, relaxing further into the moment as I feel the energy flowing between us. To my eyes he glows, his energy an iridescent bubble, interacting with mine creating a boundary effect of myriad rainbow hues, swirling colours that complement each other, that blend together and in that moment I know that this is right. A deep sense of peace and love fills my being. He pauses again, ten metres from me now, his energy inviting me in and I respond, not with aggression or dominance but with kinship, a bond that foes beyond words, beyond comprehension at an intellectual level, something that is felt deep inside where the brains influence over the body is weakest. I step, again, again, close now, pausing, slightly lifting my right hand, offering connection, and he responds, stepping to cover the gap between us, moving towards me, slowly, but without fear, without hesitation, as if he is enjoying this as much as me….I inhale, a deep, cleanising breath, slowly blowing the air from my lungs, feeling my lips vibrate, lowering my eyes to my hand as I feel his nose connect with my skin, touching lightly, a single tear running down my cheek…..


About Autistic writing

Im 46, autistic and vocal about it, a specialist autism mentor in higher education, embarking on my MEd in adult autism, autistic advocate and campaigner, writer and co-founder of asP - the autism strategy partnership #differentnotdamaged #askaboutasP

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